hey everyone,

i can't focus! my situation is nearly unbearable, in terms of having strayed from my life path (with the exeption of my dj pursuits which are amazingly 'successful' without even really trying... or so it seems to me) and instead of taking all the right steps i feel as though i'm doing nothing.

i feel like i should be: making contacts, working on... something... trying harder, enthusiastic, putting myself out there, blah blah blah...

instead i find myself feeling like its nice outside, warm weather is scarce around here sometimes, i should be at the beach... then i go to the beach and find myself thinking... i should be (see above)

and i feel very unfulfilled, directionless, and purposeless. i feel like i lack the resources to take the next steps, (ie. training, purchasing necessary equipment, etc) and so i fritter away my time, thinking, thinking, thinking in a big circle and therefore not acting.

i'm so frustrated i want to bang my head against the wall. even the things are normally enjoy aren't that much fun right now. i'm going on vacation next week to a lovely island (here in BC) (house trade, that's how i can even semi-afford it) and i find myself thinking i should have taken my vacation pay and bought something useful with it...

every day i worry, worry, worry about what i am going to do to turn my life around and i'm really getting on my own nerves!

i try to stay positive but i'm not.

has anyone gone through this and come out on the other side? i need to know its possible, that this isnt' all there is to my life!

*sigh*

thanks for letting me rant...

ra